Friday, August 12, 2005

The Breeders Win!

OK, folks, it should be obvious by now. Feed your wife birth control pills and enjoy the bass boat (enter your favorite recreational idol here) you got because she didn't have another kid to suck the money out of your pocket. Then watch the numbers of people who look like you and believe like you dwindle. Then you'll sit in your bass boat shaking your head, saying, "Dadgummit, there ain't no kids around here that I'd let little Sammie play with".

What WERE you thinking? A bass boat won't hold your hand on your deathbed, won't change your diapers when you can't go to the john no more. A bass boat won't love you beyond death and memory. It won't share your grandmammy's eyes, or your papa's quirky smile. Not even the biggest bass you ever pull flopping over the rail can ever do that, or be that, to you.

But no, you have to go out and play. Fishin' is fun, but it doesn't have much of a future without a son to share it with.

Meanwhile Juan or Ahmed is home raising up sons to defend him, sons to take what you have now, even that beloved bass boat of yours.

You gotta give 'em that, the Juans and Ahmeds, they love their kids, and plenty of them. Think about that the next time you kiss your wife on the cheek instead of her lips, then head out the door to that pretty red truck towing that nice little bass boat of yours. Leave her to her cold, empty house...and remember...

The Breeders win!


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I agree, Excellent!

S. C. Mooney said...

Delightful! I certainly shall be interested to follow your well-written and heart-felt essays

Bad said...

Rock on!

Mrs. Blessed said...

What a wonderful post, and a fascinating blog!

~~Mrs. Blessed

Laurel1861 said...

Thanks, everyone, for your support. Let's hope I can keep up the well-written part of things..


Toadipolis B. Theophilus said...

How about having a canoe and a kid and taking them fishing?

I love your place!